Mon, Dec. 12th, 2005, 10:43 pm
yeah i have court tomorrow. and i like a boy that i will probably never end up dating just seeing but not having a title suck as "girlfriend". kind of depressing but kind of not. well i'm trying to quit smoking. we'll see how that works out. well yeah saw chronical of narnia which was exciting and great. yeah but i did stupid quizes so forgive me...( Read more...Collapse )
Fri, Dec. 9th, 2005, 10:53 pm
how does life always kick you when your down. jon has a new girlfriend and i dont know why i feel so bad. God everything sucks. brad and chris both like me and i like someone else a lot. and i need a smoke
love at first sight? i wish i had just a hintling of a clue
Tue, Nov. 22nd, 2005, 12:02 pm
ashli is back. but i dont know if it's a good thing. and i have a crush on a guy that works in the mall. i think i will ask him out to coffee today and if i chicken out again i will cry.
i've realized a big difference when i'm on my meds and not. i woke up this morning and nothing but loneliness and sadness was in my head nothing i could do would get me out of bed. stupid pills.
Christmas is pointless i was it didnt exist.
i dont want to exist but i dont want to die i just want to never be born.
i have pneumonia
ehh... i need to finish silence of the lambs i'm at a great part and i think i'll finish it tonight because i rather do that then my physics homework. i have no idea what i want anymore, out of careers, life, friends, myself, anything. i dont understand myself or whats going on around me. Ashli called me today during school she claimed that she was my sister and that we had a family emergency because i havent talked to her in forever so this made me really happy. but i dont know what happpened to the rest of my day i dont remember if i was happy or sad content or not. i think thats what i hate most about my medication is that i'm braindead 90% of the time. i miss things i miss people but i dont know what i want or what is good for me. i wish i had someone else in my head to tell me what is going on in there.
Sun, Nov. 13th, 2005, 08:08 pm
so i saw HIM last night at the state theatre too bad my camera fucking died on me. but it was much fun! and finch opened for them...i had a blast with colleen that night. then i saw hayley last tonight. that was fun. plus i got to talk to trent which i havent in some time that was fun plus i played hacky sack with chris, brandy, and hayley...corey is crawling now and he's so cute i love him!!!
im going to the HIm concert tomorrow and i will be sure to try and have fun. even though i havent done that in a while. for instance today my aunt made me cry by saying "i'm not going to take anymore of your sass" and i just started to cry i couldnt even stop i dont know whats wrong with me. plus yesterday i had the worst panic attack ive ever had. i dont know what wrong with me everything has gone down the crapper. i really hope i dont get another panic attack anytime soon i'll definately die.
rough day. no one talked to me....wonderful really...my therapist is thinking about putting me into a hospital and group therapy. i dont know how i feel about this really but all i know is i'm way to sad. i dont even care about myself anymore at all. i wish they would just put me in jail that way i can be gone and not have to deal with my reality for at least 3 months. i despise everything and nearly everyone. have a good day sir
Mon, Nov. 7th, 2005, 12:39 pm
so i'm not moving out. ashli's moving back to florida by the end of the week. i'm not allowed to see trent anymore and if i screw up again i'm going to be living at my aunts. i have the worst karma in the world. also i have court today so i wont be at otech so peace